


Without you (barely breathing)

by captainamysantiago



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, During prison, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Peraltiago, Pregnancy, different POVs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 05:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18067172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamysantiago/pseuds/captainamysantiago
Summary: Jake Peralta and Rosa Diaz have been wrongly sent to prison, and the whole squad’s is working hard on getting them out, but can’t find the right evidence. Then, Amy Santiago finds out she’s pregnant. It somehow affects everyone on the squad. A Peraltiago story about romance, angst and friendship.





	Without you (barely breathing)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not very experienced in fan fiction, but I would really appreciate kudos, bookmarks and supportive comments. Feel free to give some suggestions or constructive criticism.

When she finds out the reason to her recent nausea and dizziness on the cold bathroom floor, alone, she doesn’t believe it. Because the universe may be cruel, and has proved it many times, but who would have thought that only a month after her boyfriend went to jail - for fifteen years - that she finds out she’s pregnant? So, breathing fast and hard, she picks up her handbag, throws on the first coat she can find - which incidentally happens to be one of Jake’s - and heads to the nearest supermarket, buying all their pregnancy tests. The woman behind the counter rolls her eyes at her full shopping cart, but doesn’t say anything, because after all it’s more money for the store, and it’s not like it’s unusual for strange people to come in the supermarket at 3am and buy weird products. Amy heads home - not before unceremoniously throwing up into a trash can on the street, making a homeless man flee with her not-so-silent retching - telling herself that she’s just ill, and the test was faulty. Of course, she’s wrong, because once she has all nineteen tests aligned in front of her - all positive - she reflects on how false rate false positives actually are. No, instead the universe is playing one terrible trick on her. 

Once she’s accepted the reality of the situation, the first person she wants to talk to is Jake, because it’s his baby, and if weren’t in prison, he be sitting here, in this bathroom without heating, soothing her, telling her that it was going to be okay. So she dials the prison - repeatedly. By the time she gets her call denied for the ninth time, the woman at the desk just stops picking up, leaving Amy alone yet gain. Amy swallows hard, tears prickle at the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall. Suddenly, this bathroom looks a lot smaller than it used to - even though she had no problem with it when she and Jake were in it - and it’s her crushing claustrophobia that brings her back to her senses. With a hard gulp, she quite literally dashes out of the bathroom and into her bedroom. At first glance, the situation is getting better - until she sees Jake’s jacket. Then she sees Jake’s stash of chips, and his socks, and his photo with et, and suddenly everything in the room reminds her of her incarcerated boyfriend. Her bed? The time they went mattress shopping together. Her alarm clock? Every morning when he would press snooze and try to convince her to cuddle with him for just a few minutes. Her necklace? He gave it to her on the end of their third date, proclaiming that she was the most wonderfullest - she cringed at his grammar - woman he knew after Holly Genero. She remembers her raised eyebrow before he admitted that maybe Holly Genero came second, and the blush that spread throughout her body at his early but well-recieved declaration. Amy closes her eyes, trying to rid the room of Jake’s presence, but she has no such luck. And while her boyfriend’s aura had soothed her on the first night of his absence, now all she can think about is that he might be gone for the next fifteen years. And in fifteen years, Jake’s presence won’t be here anymore. She bites her lip, hard because she needs to stop spiraling, and whips out her phone, quickly dialing a number. She knows it’s a long shot, and that she probably shouldn’t be doing this at this hour, but she can’t be alone tonight. 

—————————————————

“New phone, who dis?” Gina’s voice chimes, sounding bored, quietly telling someone in the background to be quiet. Amy cringes, because while Gina can be amazing, she also loves making fun of Amy. 

“Can you uhhh,” she hesitates, wanting to end the call right now and deal with her problems by drinking entirety of the vodka bottle she hides under her bed, but then she remembers there’s a human being inside of her and that if she’s serious about it, she has to stop drinking for a long time. 

“Alright, baby dove, tell me what’s going on or I’m hanging up. I have a life y’know,” Amy rolls her eyes at the nickname but gathers her confidence. 

“Gina, I need you to come over. It’s serious,” and for a second she doubts her enigmatic friend and expects a refusal, but Gina simply says she’ll be there soon and hangs up, leaving Amy feeling even more nervous than before. 

She hears a clicking noise and the door opening only ten minutes later - how Gina has a spare key she’ll never know - and anxiously inches into the hallway, suddenly conscious of her ratty, stained leggings paired with one of Jake’s shirts, as well as her messed up hair and pale skin. Gina looks a little bit more worn out than usual, and it probably has something to do with her bulging baby bump. Amy bites her lip, remembering that Gina’s supposed to give birth in a week. 

“Shit. You don’t look so good,” Gina says, direct, without beating around the bush, as always. Amy only hesitates a minute before telling her, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“I’m pregnant,” she utters, Gina’s eyes widening as she waddles towards Amy. Her blue eyes are full of pity mixed with sadness - because Jake and Rosa were also her best friends and these painful reminders hurt - but she wraps Amy in her Ames all the same, sits her on the couch and turns on the TV, putting on Die Hard. The movie makes both of them cry - not because of the plot but because of how Jake loved it - and though Amy just been through some terrible things, having Gina by her side makes it better. At the end of the movie, when Amy’s finally feeling drowsy but she knows hat she has work in only three hours, Gina strokes her hair and whispers into her ear: 

“I got you, Amy. We’re all here for you,” the whispered sentence makes Amy’s throbbing heart rise, and the faces of her family, the squad come to her mind, and for a second - just for a second - she sees a smile grow on her face. She has no idea what to do, or if she’s even keeping this baby, or how Jake will react, but this is a hell of a lot better than getting drunk in her bathroom. 

—————————————————

The next morning, Amy’s woken up by her three, battery backed-up alarms, and she groans loudly, because she slept terribly and she now has to face everyone at work. She swings herself off the couch, careful not to wake Gina, who’s already on maternity leave, and quickly dresses up, dashing to the police precinct. The minute she walks through the doors, she can feel everyone’s eyes on her, as if they know that she’s different now. Of course, the looks are merely a figment of her imagination and the few glances she actually gets are few to her pale complexion and tired eyes, but she’s been coming like that to work a lot lately. She marches to her desk, making sure that nobody notice’s that she’s acting strangely, and plunges herself into a cold case she’s been trying to crack. Indeed, no one notices, after all she’s been completely out of it since Jake left. She falls asleep at her desk once more, after swearing to her captain she’d get a good night’s sleep. Oh well. Promises were made to be broken, she tells herself. The opinion of her captain matters a whole lot less to her now than it did a month ago, so when he cast another disappointed look st her the next morning after discovering where she spent the night, she shrugs it off and gets back to work. 

Her routine sets into place slowly, and she’s careful not to talk about her pregnancy to anyone except Gina. The day of her fist sonogram - Amy’s trying not to cry because she wishes Jake were here - she goes alone, avoiding the nurse’s glance when she asks if the father will be coming. Thankfully, right at that moment, Gina comes running in - a great feat taking into consideration that she should have given birth five days ago - and announces that she’s Amy’s partner, making Amy blush and stutter. The nurse looks appropriately embarrassed and leads them in immediately, leaving no time for Amy to scold Gina. Once she sees the small figure on the screen, she can’t help but swoon, and all thoughts about murdering Gina vanish from her mind, because it’s so much better to have someone here, someone to gape in awe at the screen with her. Amy asks for photos, because she’ll show them to Jake - once she gets the courage to tell him - and walks out with Gina. 

————————————————— 

“So... does this mean you’re gonna keep it?” Gina asks nervously while Amy gazes at the photos. Amy breathes hard but looks up, staring into Gina’s questioning blue eyes. 

“I guess... yeah. This is what Jake would have wanted,” she mumbles. 

“Look, Amy, do me a favor and put yourself first. Do you want this baby?”

“Yes, I do,” Amy answers, confidence building up inside of her. 

“Say it louder!” Gina yells, making quite a few people turn around in the park they’re strolling in. 

“I want my baby!” Amy says, smiling as Gina laughs. 

“Say it loud- OHHHH my god!” Gina interrupts herself, clutching her stomach in pain as she pants. Amy’s eyes widen as her starts freaking out, looking around for help. 

“Gina! Are you okay? Do I have to bring you to the hospital? Are those contractions?” Amy panics as a few people come up to Gina and offer her help. 

“I’m fine, let’s just go home,” Gina breathes, pulling Amy with her. As they’re walking/running, Gina gets another contraction, to which she yells the f-word very loudly, making a baby in a stroller start crying. 

“You know what? Just call Milton,” Gina says, shoving her phone into Amy’s hands as Amy frantically dials Gina’s boyfriend’s number. After that, everything goes smoothly, Milton arrives in no time and drives Gina to the hospital, smiling excitedly. To her surprise, Gina insists that she comes along, and before Amy can protest and go hide out in her apartment while binging on snacks and crappy TV shows, she’s being pulled into the car and is on her way to the hospital. 

—————————————————

It isn’t as bad as Amy had feared - for one she only stays in the waiting room and doesn’t have to see what she’s going to have to go through in eight short months - Gina goes into labor and gives birth in less than two hours, and Charles and Terry distract her while they wait. Sure, Charles is making the entire moment awkward and disgusting as usual - he recounts any experiences he has of childbirth in detail - but Terry reassures her, and soon enough, they’re heading into the hospital room, ready to see Gina and Milton’s baby for the first time. Milton seems to be shining with pride and happiness, and though Gina looks worn out and tired, she’s glowing. Amy hold the baby girl - her name is apparently Indigo - and starts spiraling because it feels impossibly foreign and the baby is starting to fuss, but Gina anticipates her reaction and lightly pats her on the shoulder, whispering that she’ll be a great mom. While her words stop a building panic attack, Amy finds herself crying in the hospital bathroom a few hours later because if Jake doesn’t get out, she’ll have to go through the whole ordeal alone, and she wishes he were here to think of baby names and get random baby’s accessories, because she hadn’t bought anything yet - buying these things will only make it more real. To her great annoyance, Charles follows her, and immediately knows who she’s crying about. And for the first time, instead of wallowing in his own self-pity, he simply gives her a hug and tells her that he’s here for her, and that he’ll listen to her. Amy denies anything being wrong and blames it on stress, and it almost works - until she impulsively vomits all over Charles’s pants, making both of them shriek. 

Thankfully, Charles isn’t too mad, he’s mostly worried about her health, and though she tries to blame it on the flu - which doesn’t really work because now he wants to get her checked - he doesn’t believe her, so she finally tells him the truth. She watches her friend’s face go though a multitude of emotions - first sheer joy, then pain, then sorrow, then pity, then acceptance - before he asks quietly if Jake knows, and if there’s anything she needs. Amy almost cries with happiness there, because her hormones are off the charts, and for once, Charles isn’t making a big deal out of this, which would cause her to have a stroke. Instead, he’s supportive, and tells her that she can tell the squad herself when she’s ready. In fact, once she’s home alone and feeling down again, and the prison won’t let her call Jake, the doorbell rings and it’s Charles, bringing her some delicious dinner. The snout tails make her throw up even more than usual that night, but otherwise she feels better. 

————————————————— 

It’s exactly a month and a half after that disastrous first night with Gina that Charles confronts her at work - safe from prying eyes in the evidence lockup - and tell that if she doesn’t tell Jake now, she’s going to regret it. She knows that Charles is struggling to keep the secret, after all he tells each member of the squad the date and time of their “surprise” parties every year without prompting (they’ve started giving him fake information) and that he almost fainted last time he saw Jake from the pressure, and that he’s scared of hurting her feelings, but every time Amy even thinks about telling Jake the news, her stomach knots itself up and she has a hard time breathing. When she’s visiting, sitting nervously across from him as she tries to cry about his bruised face, or the way that he grunts in pain each time she touches him, or that the light in his eyes dims every time, she gets choked up and the words simply won’t come out. She’s scared, she realizes. She’s scared that Jake is going to freak out, she’s scared that telling Jake will mean that all of this is real, and that she won’t be able to tell him in the stupid, cheesy and romantic way that she wants. She doesn’t want them to share this news with other criminals that she’s put away, or guards that shoot her condescending looks who treat Jake like crap. She wants to share the news with him in the safety of their own apartment, where she tells him she loves him, and they have a candlelit dinner and he says he can’t wait to be a dad. She wants him to buy the accessories she’s been avoiding with her, she wants him to go to sonograms with her and hold her hand when they find out the gender of their beautiful baby. She wants him to be there, with her, every step of the way, and it kills her that he can’t. 

She tells Charles that she’ll think about it, and goes home to think about it. She needs to talk to someone, she realizes, but she already knows that everybody’s advice will be to just tell Jake. She grapes desperately at straws, but eventually accepts the inevitable. Three days later, she packs the sonogram photos in her bag, as well as baby shoes - she knows Jake loves them - and drives to Jake’s prison. She’s about to get there, she’s pumping herself up, giving herself a quick pep talk when she notices a different road and sign, and it Ives her an idea. She’s going to stop by and see what Rosa thinks. 

—————————————————

As she gets her bag checked and walks through the metal detectors, Amy can’t help but sweat nervously, because she’s never actually been to visit Rosa before, and she’s almost sure this is going to be awkward as hell. In fact, she’s contemplating how much trouble she would be in if she ran out at this second Rosa sirs down in front of her, on the other side of the smudged and cracked screen, expression indecipherable as always. She however notes that Rosa’s cheeks seem hollow, her lips chapped, her eyes tired and hair ruffled. She gulps, suddenly feeling very nervous when Rosa picks up the phone and says: 

“Hey. What’s this about?”

Her voice sounds more cracked, less powerful than always, and in that moment Amy’s aware of just how much prison has drained Rosa, who she thought was one of the toughest people she had her met. It’s a disconcerting experience, sitting across one of her role models, though she’s well dressed and Rosa’s in a gray suits and is looking around furtively. 

“How are you?” She managed to ask, inserting fake brightness and plastering a wide smile she knows Rosa will hate. 

“Get to the point. I know you’re not hear to chit-chat,” 

“I have some news...” she manages to say when Rosa raises her eyebrows inquisitively. 

“You’re pregnant. Charles told me,” Rosa answers, looking bored as ever. Amy can’t help but feel a little miffed, because Charles swore himself to secrecy, and it’s pretty clear that Rosa doesn’t give a damn about her problem. Nevertheless, she continues. 

“I don’t know how to tell Jake. I’m scared,” she admits, looking at her feet. She’s expecting a half-assed response, something involving the word whatever, and is surprised when Rosa says: 

“I’ve actually been thinking about it. My first instinct was to tell you to tell Jake right away, because keeping something like that from him is stupid. I guess I still stand by that, but you have to do it carefully. You know Jake’s father was absent during his childhood, and it definitely had some lasting effects on his. I bet Jake is going to feel as if he’s his father,”

“Just be careful with him. And congratulations, by the way. I know it isn’t perfect timing, but you won’t regret this,” she adds, making Amy’s heart flutter. 

At this Amy bites her lip, because Rosa have her a lot to think about, and now she’s worrying about trauma, stress and loss, but also about Jake. If - it physically hurts Amy to think about it - Jake doesn’t get out of jail, it’ll break him to see his child growing under his own eyes, it’ll break him that he won’t be able to fully participate as a parent until their baby’s in his or her teenage years. She looks up at Rosa, sniffing back tears, and thanks her for the advice and that she’ll work hard to get her out. She knows Rosa’s used to people saying that to her, but as she walks out, she promises herself that she’s going to invest herself fully in getting both of them out of this living hell. 

—————————————————

Less than an hour later, Jake is sitting across from her, smiling gratefully as she gives him the dismal updates on his case. The growing bruise under his eye worries her, she’s scared that he’ll be hurt by other inmates. When Jake tells her that he joined a gang, she almost has a heart attack. She hates the thought of Jake, defenseless, beings surrounded by hardened criminals with an intention to kill. She tells him such, but he simply waves it off and makes a joke. He asks her how she’s been doing, and she know’s that it’s the time to tell him about her pregnancy. 

“Jake, I have something really important to tell you. Don’t freak out, okay? It’s going to be... fine,” Amy cringed as she stutters on the last word. Jake’s expression turns confused and worried. 

“Wait a minute, I recognize that expression. That’s the expression my mom had when she told me my dad left. That’s a terrible news expression! What happened?” Jake starts to panic, so Amy grapes his hands and says in a soothing voice attempt. 

“Jake, don’t freak out. It’s not something bad. It’s something good. It’s just unexpected, that’s all,” 

“You’re sugarcoating, I can feel it!” Jake says, becoming tense. 

“Out with it, who died?” He continues. 

“Jake, nobody died! Listen to me, you have to stop spiraling, because I need you to bd calm and supportive when you receive this information. You cannot have a panic attack, alright?” Amy snaps as Jake takes a somber expression, waiting for the information. 

“I’m pregnant. Two months,” she finally utters, watching his expression closely. At first, his face only displays pure shock, which slowly morphs into a mixture of stress and guilt.

“Pregnant. As in with a child,” he repeats, staring straight through her. 

“Obviously,” Amy gets through her teeth. She cringes as Jake rubs his hands on his face and starts mumbling to himself. Realizing that she’s waiting, he pulls himself together. 

“Amy, if you had told me that and I wasn’t... here, than I would been thrilled. We’ve talked about kids before, we both want them, and if this is a little early, that’s fine. But I’m in prison, and chances are, I’m going to be here for fifteen years. What’s going to happen?” He asks, blinking slowly. His eyes are wide, and he’s breathing fast. 

“I don’t know, Jake. I know that you’re going to get out of here soon though,” 

“You don’t know that,” 

“Yes, I do. Jake, you’re the innocent. Any day, we’ll get Hawkins,” 

“It’s been almost three months now,” Jake says hollowly, making Amy’s chest hurt in sadness, grief, loss and dozens of other emotions she can’t quite identify. 

“How am I supposed to be a father to this baby if I’m behind bars?” He says quietly, and Amy can tell that the thought’s eating him from the inside. 

“Even if, and only if, this... situation lasts longer than anticipated, you’ll still be a dad, Jake. I believe in you,” 

At this, her boyfriend simply puts his head down on the table, and it strikes Amy just how broken he is right now, in a dirty orange suit and a messy beard. She feels like sobbing and yelling at the same time. When he finally lifts his head, she’s shocked to see that it’s stained with hot years and her heart aches for him. 

“Ames, this is... good. This is a great thing, I’m just scared that you’ll be alone,” he finally says. 

“I’m not alone. Gina’s been taking me to sonogram appointments, and Charles is making me pregnancy foods to help the morning sickness,” 

“So they both know?” He says weakly, and she can see that he’s slightly hurt. 

“Yes, but that’s because I was so scared of telling you, I needed their help. Rosa also knows,” she adds as his face falls. 

“You were scared of my reaction?” He asks, and she can see that he’s biting the inside of cheek. Hard. 

“Not like that, believe me, I never doubted you. I knew that once I told you, it would become real. I wanted for you to find out in a different environment,” 

“Me too,” he replies darkly

She shows him the pictures of the sonograms, and judging by the smile that widens on his face, he’s been mollified. In fact, as he gazes at the baby shoes, she glows with happiness and hope. For a second, Amy’s almost excited for this child, but too soon the visits over and there’s a surly guard pushing him away, back into his cell. She promises to herself that she’ll come to visit more. 

—————————————————

After that meeting, Amy fully invests herself in putting away Hawkins. With the help of Terry and her Captain, she stays long nights every day to find shreds of evidence, to find suspects and leads. It all amounts to a hug pile of nothing. Earlier in the month, Terry had found a mysterious tip from a man who claimed he had been wronged by Hawkins, but when they had investigated the lead, they had only found pigs being over fed, so in all, completely useless.on top of that, she still had to work her regular cases in order to not attract suspicion from the commissioner, and she could see that her arrest count had drastically dropped, and she could feel her ambitious dreams slipping away. Internal Affairs has visited the 99th precinct a few times in the last months, because two supposedly corrupt detectives cast a shadow on the entirety of the precinct. She’s become familiarized with taunts and insults from other cops, as well as suspicion surrounding her role in the bank robberies. In fact, few beat cops look her in the eye any more, instead mumbling the details of the crime scene to the ground, as if one look at her would somehow transmit to them her troubles. It also has side effects on Captain Holt, for there’s been talk of demoting him, and Terry, who has been denied the lieutenant promotion he had asked for. Charles has also become the subject of many jokes by people who listen to his podcast, though being the loyal friend he is, keeps going. A she works tirelessly, she barely notices the weeks go by, and soon Gina points out an almost noticeable baby bump under her uniform. She’s taken to wearing long and woolly sweaters to cover it up, but she knows the excuse won’t last for a while longer. So, on January 3rd, three months after Jake and Rosa were sent to jail, she decides to tell the squad her secret.


End file.
